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Write to Yonder		 John Shelley

Exclusive: A Yonder Interview with the Michelangelo of York County!

We've recently discovered his John Shelley's Garden Center web site and immediately went into a panic. Clearly, Mr. Shelley (and not the YonderWebDweebs) claimed title to the best designed web page in York County - and perhaps most of the Internet.

John was born in York County, traveled around the country and then returned to his roots - garden type roots in York County! His Garden Center is located in Felton, PA and is the home of some of the most non-traditional and unique nursery and gardening concepts in the United States.

John, most probably unaware of Yonder's intense, "Barbara Walteresque" interview style, graciously granted us some of his precious time.

In the spirit, if not the style of Barbara Walters, here's our hard-hitting recent conversation with Mr. Shelley.
John
Shelley's
Garden
Center
...

www.gdnctr.com

Yonder begins the Interview and asks:

John Shelley's Garden Center is a great name for a company. Where'd you ever come up with it?

Well, Microsoft and IBM were taken and I was running out of time.

On your web site ( http://www.gdnctr.com/ ) we noticed a picture of you gently holding a mouse. In the picture, you appeared to be fairly experienced at holding mice. Comon' John, level with us, was that really your first mouse?

I've always owned mice. Remember the 'rats on a stick' skit they did in monty python's 'holy grail'? Those were my pet mice I rented to them for the movie. The cat in the picture with me is just a prop.

Hmmm, we've always wondered where the mice in that skit came from. What's your favorite tree?

The 'e pluribus unum' money tree. But it's tough to grow around here, what with the fickle winds that blow.
"...that [ Monty Python ] 'slice of life' skit was the start of my career... We've been told that the Japanese word "Bonsai" actually means "little person with a funny nose". Is this true?

Yes...and 'big feet'. That's why we keep them in those little pots. We trim off the size 9d shoes and feet and bury the leg stumps in soil to retard growth.

Do you ever get crumbs on your mouse pad? If so, how do you clean them?

With two cats at home, I have to shave the mousepad with an electric razor twice a week. The cat at work doesn't shed much fur.

Do you think that the 'Roger the Shrubber' skit on Monty Python lead you into your current profession?

That 'slice of life' skit was the start of my career.

At this point in the conversation, we (yonder) make a long drawn out "ahhhhhhhhhh" sound, just like Merv Grifith and Ed McMan used to make and then make the comment "oh my".
As you drive around York County, what landscaping or gardening brings you the most joy? What makes you cringe the most? "All the landscaping done prior to my arrival 7 years ago makes me cringe. Driving into Maryland and seeing quality plants makes me happy. Someday soon, I'll have converted much of York County into a quality display garden"
  If Barbara Walters were interviewing you, what's the most ridiculous question that she would ask you and how would you respond that question?

She'd probably want to know if I planned on running for office. Well, no I'm not. I look terrible in jailhouse stripes like the clintons will.

I've lived in York county most of my life. I've tried on numerous occasions to get Mountain Laurel to grow with no success. Do you think that Mountain Laurel is really our state flower or was it just a cruel joke by our founding state fathers?

It grows wild all over the place. you should quit getting drunk and peeing on it. That'll kill anything.
After working out in the garden, do you ever get dirt or topsoil in your keyboard? Only when I prop my dirty boots on the keyboard to rest my feet. I never use my hands in the dirt. Too dirty.
Have you ever had any problems with piranha in any of your water gardens?

...Not yet. We're still working on getting the hippos small enough to be portable with the customer's mail order purchase.

 Tell us what the future will look like in 1 day, 1 year, 1 decade and 1 century?

The same as it did 1 day, 1 year, 1 decade and 1 century ago to others. Just a little different.

What would you like to see more of in York County?

California women.

Is your favorite holiday Arbor Day? By the way, when is Arbor Day, anyway and what is an arbor? Why don't they just call it "tree day" or something that we can understand in York County?

Arbor day is sometime in April. It's Latin for the timeless 'kill that tree and plant another' ceremony begun by druids and now continued by the scientology cults. I don't participate unless I've been drinking heavily the previous day.
"Please give us your very best gardening tip!

Hire

a

professional
We understand that you tree guys have been doing that cloning and hybridizing stuff for years now. Do you think that the quest for peaches with no fuzz could actually be the beginning of the downfall of our society?

We have completed that project. in every bushel of peaches, we include a bic razor for a fast, dry shave. Foam and water are prohibited. it must be a dry shave.

Oh my. We didn't realize that you were that far along with things.

Do think that the people of York will view gypsy moths any differently now since Demi Moore played a gypsy in the Hunch Back of Notre Dame?

It's tough to see something that small constantly stripping, but we'll all rush out to get some auxiliary magnification. No more moth eradication programs for me.

Would you tell us more about these "trough planting parties" that they have on the west coast. How does one actually plant a trough?

Use a small backhoe, plant it with the open side up, water well and 'something' will probably grow.

Thanks for the interview. We greatly appreciate you taking the time out of your busy schedule to chat with us! We'll be sure to stop by John Shelley's Garden Center at http://www.gdnctr.com/ often to see what's new with you.